Music Stands For Comfort

Structuralism

2008-06-01T19:57:00.000-07:00

I think structuralism is an academic continuation of the end-of-politics dream of 20th century politics.

The 20th century was characterized by attempts to resolve the conflicts that plagued societies- through technocracy, communism, fascism, caretaker governance, accomdationism- and to in that phrase 'end history,' in so much as history is the story of the public fight for power and change.

Structuralism doesn't seek to do that- but rather it seeks to end the mystery of human action. Structuralism is an explanation of agency that places the reasons for events in terms of the systems/structures that humans live in and have created. This explanation is seductive in that choices no longer exist- we are just playing out our roles in a system- but like other reductive beliefs, it takes out the human strangeness, and without that history- real history makes no sense.

The best example I can think of this is from someone who believed deeply in impersonal forces of history: Vladimir Lenin. According to this own beliefs, he should have been a horrific and reactionary oppressor. He was born to the gentry, and had peasents providing his living for the better part of his life. Yet, he and his brother turned into revolutionaries. Why? You can propose a lot of reasons, but ultimately, who knows what happened within him- but it certainly wasn't some inevitable structure. Lenin could have made different choices- probably almost did- and we might have a very different world.

Dior

2008-06-01T19:56:00.001-07:00

The dior 'new look' silhouette is an infestation. It should be burned out.

Women in Pants

2008-06-01T12:45:00.000-07:00

I think that women in men's clothes are hot. I don't mean women in pants per se, or women in unisex clothes, but clothes that are cut for men. Women in pants with suspenders and dress shirts, or turbans and flowing desert clothes.
Safari jungle girls.

I don't like boys in womens clothing. I always find it jarring- unless they convincingly look like women, in which case its fascinating, but that's a whole different thing.

BTW, I don't like androgynous women either:

Really feminine women- in men's clothes- are really hot.

Joy Divisions

2008-05-01T18:50:00.000-07:00

I saw the Scott Walker movie last night and it was fun, but it didn't make me want to own anything of his. The movie made me think though, about how nice my life would've been if i'd never discovered Joy Division.

Rad Science

2008-04-09T13:31:00.000-07:00

Replicating Machines:

http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn7165

Cloaking Technology:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/6064620.stm

Racism And Homophobia

2008-04-02T17:31:00.001-07:00

I'm proud to announce that i've finally made it on Youtube: I was called a fag on a video I did about racism. Yay me !

Vlog is the new Blog

2008-03-24T17:33:00.001-07:00

Duh, and that's been true a while. Go to my youtube channel to feel it:

http://www.youtube.com/user/modelliv

In And Out: WFISF Edition

2008-03-23T12:40:00.001-07:00

Since most of the readership of this blog is involved in World Famous In San Francisco, I thought I would do them a favor and tell them whether they are in, or out.

Buy Me !

2008-03-20T23:01:00.000-07:00

-A Macbook Pro
-A new cellphone (that is compatible with Verizon)
-A Cuban link yellow gold bracelet (about 6 1/2-7 inches) with an ID tag.
-A tennis bracelet (set in white or yellow gold)
-Louis Vuitton Duffle bag and Doctors bag (contact me for customized painting)
-White lightning bolt, American flag and elephant flag tattoos
-A billowy Issey Miyake coat/cape/wrap whatever.

Thats about it for now.

Stupid Idea's That Will Ruin Your Life #1: Accordions

2008-03-13T19:11:00.000-07:00

In an effort to make this blog more of service to it's readers, I am starting a new feature called "Stupid Idea's that Will Ruin Your Life". The goal of this feature is to help you, gentle reader, avoid doing things that will in the end only lead to ruin.

The way to use these installments is thus: read it, and do EXACTLY what I say to do. Do not question or compromise my advice. Follow it as you would your own impulses. If you are currently doing anything I say not to do, desist IMMEDIATLY. Follow this blog and your life will be spared considerable pain: go against it, and I cannot be responsible from your inevitable suffering.

So, without further introduction, the first stupid thing that will ruin your life is learning to play an accordion. Accordions are not played by anyone worth anything. The only time you see accordion players is in BART stations busking for change, and it is an incredibly sad site. My mother worked with a woman who had three children, and after a series of mis-fortunes (including getting fired from being a nurse), ended up in BART singing and playing Christian accordion, whil wearing a plastic viking helmet.
This would never have happened to her if she hadn't known how to play accordion. She would have saved her dignity, and possibly gotten a real job.

Accordions are stupid because they are very, very difficult to play, and yet give very little back once you have mastered them. THey are little more than extremely difficult jokes. Along these lines, also avoid learning to play saxophone or bagpipes. I know that when one is considering an instrument, they all seem cool and ironic, but the end result of your toils will be nothing.

The only instruments worth playing are keyboard, guitar or drums. They are the only useful ones. They are easy to learn, and pay-off immediatly. Any idiot can make noise with a drum, but it takes a special idiot to make noise with an accordion.

Insane Racism

2008-03-01T21:01:00.000-08:00

I was reading about R. Crumb, who wrote some satirical/violent comics about race war. I found this White Supremacist website and on it one this totally nuts comic. It stars a Klansman who is avenging his girlfriend, who was blinded and raped by three black brothers. It's drawn in a manner than looks like Jack Chick. It's very graphic and ugly. It reminds me a lot of the punisher, if he was racist.

The craziest thing is I think that whoever wrote it realllly believed in what they were writing. Here is the link:

http://www.tightrope.cc/kotc/cross2.htm

It's stomach turning.

In and Out

2008-03-01T10:01:00.000-08:00

IN

DUFFLE COAT

OUT

TRENCH COAT

IN

REEBOKS

OUT

NIKES

IN

Europop/Diva House

OUT

Rap

IN

KID ROBOT

OUT

BAPE

IN

Ferraris

OUT

Lamborghinis

IN

Levi's

OUT

Evisu's

Rap Quote

2008-02-24T15:47:00.001-08:00

'You want some hood au-then-tisss-ity/then where your fake shit hella proudly'- TRAE

Passionistas Seek Hot Bear Couple

2008-02-23T14:21:00.000-08:00

We're looking for a hot, uninhibited bear couple to do a video with. It will be for the song "Going Gay", and we want to make it super extreme. If anyone knows anyone who would be interested, please get them in touch with us !

SWT

2008-02-20T00:56:00.000-08:00

My stupid white trash cousin Ivy had a baby a few months back and it just makes me ashamed ! My parents are old hipsters (like my mom was in newsweek for jumping a rolling stone, my dad showed porn and hung out at Mabuhay), but god my extended family just doesn't keep up. My cousin' s mom is a mental case who has four kids and a pair of arms that make's Liza's cuts look like a pair of pre-distressed jeans.

So now this basket case's kid has a a kid, and no money, no education and is living at home with her loser mom and grandma. I mean, I don't like this part of my family one little bit, so I don't feel too bad, but still- thank god we don't share a last name, is all I have to say.

2 Stoneddd

2008-02-19T23:56:00.000-08:00

So Girls was rad and everything, and I taped it really badly, so you know, everyone can get a taste of what the show looked like if you had terrible hearing and you were colorblind except for reds.

Anyways, so Patrik was there, and he was like, stoned (i know, what else ?), and here I'll say it since nobody else will: c'mon Patrik, drugs are cool, but your not when your on them. You were an IDIOT the other night, I mean you couldn't even make small talk at the end of the Cafe Du Nord bar. Jesus, we were talking about YOUR OUTFIT, not ROCKET SCIENCE.

So don't do drugs, Patrik.

Jeremy

2008-02-14T21:00:00.000-08:00

Jeremy's department store is owned by Jeremy Smears from WFISF. Tom (as in Elton Tom) gets all his clothes there, because even though he dresses good, he also likes to squeeze the Euro 'til the Duce screams.

My Party

2008-02-09T15:24:00.000-08:00

I want to throw a monthly all ages party called Jailbait. Under 18 y.o. and over 30 y.o.'s get in for free. There will be private rooms available to rent with a two bottle minimum.

Hey Myles

2008-02-06T14:04:00.000-08:00

the new Clipse mixtape came out is out: download at:

reupgang.blogspot.com

I know nobody else who reads this blog gives a fuck.

Avril

2008-02-05T23:17:00.000-08:00

SO I told the WRONG PEOPLE that I've decided the 90's are cool again, and they have been teasing me EVERY DAY about it. ASking me if I like this 90's band, or that 90's band, and guess what- I DON't KNOW. I'm really ignorant it turns out about the 90's.

But I think I found the best 90's record ever- which isn't to say the best record of the 90's (duh, Pinkerton)- rather it has every aspect of 90's rock done perfectly- the retarded distortion on the guitars, the thick bass, the kick ass drums, the whiny over-wrought lyrics, the amaturely sung but whole hearted cello ballads, the toying with hip-hop- that really defined it.

It's Best Damn Thing by Avril Lavigne.

Mr. T

2008-02-05T23:15:00.001-08:00

Tony Soprano helped me get over my fear of getting older. Basically, I was afraid of getting older because I don't want to be ugly, and he showed me that you could get old and ugly but still be totaalllly hot.

He looks like a total bull, and it's sexy. He just radiates this barely contained violence and power, which is hot. So thats what I need to do when i get older. I think when I get fat (because its basically inevitable unless your like, a freak or hate food or something) I'm just going to take steroids, pump iron and bulk up, so I'll be some crazy muscular fat old dude. It'll be rad.

Glass Slippers

2008-01-31T22:35:00.000-08:00

The Passionistas are not going to SXSW. It's an hour and a half to midnite, and we have not heard from them. I guess we're pumpkins.

Box Cutter

2008-01-31T16:53:00.000-08:00

Here was my day at work:

i will break down the boxes in the hall. I spend ten minutes finding a box cutter. A customer asks me to help them. I put the box cutter down, help the client. After helping the client, I notice the boxes again, and realize I lost the box cutter. I spend ten minutes finding a box cutter. A customer asks me to help them. I put the box cutter down,

QT&A

2008-01-31T15:17:00.001-08:00

I like music that asks great questions, like:

-What is love ?

-Where were you when we were getting high ?

-Did she ask for it ?

Retail Review: Density

2008-01-29T22:10:00.000-08:00

Density is a new store on Valencia street. It's really OK, but not great. In fact, its maybe less than OK, its just like, blehh. It carries a bunch of grey jackets, some distressed label jeans, a little bit of Fred Perry, a few random hoodies and sweaters, and best, a bunch of Free Gold Watch shirts. It's a reallllly boring selection, that you could find at almost any store in San Francisco.

There's a lot of these boutiques popping up: someone opens a few accounts, gets a store front and hires his/her friends to staff it. I think Density will be gone in a year because they just don't have the selection or perspective to really make it. I mean, why would I go back there ? They didn't have anything exclusive, interesting or adventerous. Honestly, Community Thrift has better, more interesting clothing.

So yeah Density- may as well not exist.

Diamond Disease

2008-01-28T15:04:00.000-08:00

My first collection of fantasy jewelry is called 'Diamond Disease'. It consists of bracelets (ankle and wrist), necklaces, earrings and nose rings made of gold (white, yellow and rose) studded with diamonds. The gold is shaped in loose, organic shapes, wrapping around the wearer in an an invasive manner, with bubbles and bulbs shooting off of it.

The diamonds will be set in at odd angles, point outwards and upwards in the form of spikes, stalagmites and protrusions. Non-traditional, non-symmetrical diamond cuts will be used to give a sense of randomness and dissolution to the pieces.

N/M

2008-01-21T23:29:00.000-08:00

Nevermind. Buy me this:

You kno

2008-01-21T23:28:00.001-08:00

I just feel really rejected all the time.

Zoe Lowe

2008-01-15T22:39:00.000-08:00

I saw my friend Zoe today. She (literally) smashed her wrist, and has had to have two bloody surgeries. The last week she's been at home sleeping and crying from the pain. Pain can be totally consuming, and her's seemed to be.

Today I saw her, and we hung out at the mall for a little while. She looked really beautiful, more beautiful really than I remember her being in a while. She's become super-skinny, and her eyes have red rings from either the pain-killers or the crying jags (or both), and she's luminescent. She was wearing a sleeveless puffy dress with a gold shirt underneath and a pair of stretch black pinstripes. Her cast is purple and covered in green writing, like "Scott is Gay" and "Zoe SUX.COM" etc. She had almost no make-up on- a little bit of lipstick, some eyeliner- I think.

She looked so hot, I couldn't even bear it. I was kneeling in front of her in the bloomingdales atrium and there was something so magnetic about her, I just wanted to kiss her. Her legs were tiny, almost impossibly small, and they looked so delicate.

Evan Dando Fantasy #1

2008-01-14T20:52:00.000-08:00

Evan Dando must escape from a second floor L.A. flat, as he has locked himself in, lost the keys and is getting sick. The only way out is through the window facing the street. He shoves open the window with a few pushes, huffing the whole time. He closes his eyes, and jumps out, only to float down a cloud of hash smoke with his hair acting as a parachute.

----------

Evan Dando met our drummer Tina, and the only he had to say to her was, "Don't do drugs...just don't....."

Passionista Car Accident

2008-01-14T16:31:00.001-08:00

Aaron and Andrew were in a car accident coming back from Los Angeles. They are OK, and more updates (with video !) will be posted.

Dinosaur

2008-01-07T15:35:00.000-08:00

I think being in a band is a totally sad thing: there's always such big hopes, and so much touching without tasting, seeing without having. Being in a band is as much about living with dissapointment, anxiety and fear as any other aspect.

It feels terribly random, like an asteroid could hit you at any moment, and elevate or destroy you. Wanting to be a pop artist is pretty much as likely as wanting to be a dinosaur.

Positivity

2008-01-06T20:14:00.000-08:00

I know this blog is really negative. So here is the positive post for today:

I <3 mary timony ! She is so rad ! Her songs are amazing, and she makes me happen. She was the first artist like that that I got to- you know, Lisa Frank music, like metallica or Kate Bush. I also really identify with her music, which is a combo of like, faux-medieval, glam-rock and indie rock. I hate indie rock normally, so this is an exception for me.

Old Ladies

2008-01-06T17:36:00.000-08:00

My grandfather thought that Betty Grable was hot.

I bet people got hot for these ladies too:

I don't get it though. I think that women from older times just look horsey and fugly. I'm not a skinny-fetishist- its just I hate there faces. I hate the facial expressions. I hate the clothes. They all look old to me, in that shriveled dried up kind of way. Not a hot Mrs. Robinson way.

Why does anyone think Mae West is sexy ? She looks bizarre and ungainly, and her head is huge ! Not in a japanese bobble-head way either, just like an enormous watermelon fixed on a no-neck.

Ihh, I like modern girls. Or at least from the 60's+. Who wants to fuck donna reed ?

Or lucille ball ?

Really, i don't want to be sexist, but I don't think women were hot until the latter half of the 20th century. No wonder men were desperate to go across the sea's or become monks.

GBF

2008-01-06T14:31:00.000-08:00

So I was working on a press release at work, and the subject of BAR came up, and I said to her- "mmmm....there's no gay angle for this, so I don't think we should bother."

She shot back immediatly "what do you mean, its about art isn't that a gay angle ?"

So I was like, whatever, OK- but then a few moments later she was describing the front-man of a local hard-rock band (who's name rhymes with hiss) and she said, "oh you know, he's this kinda :makes limp hand gesture, bounces up and down: kind of guy".

We all know about male homophobia- its aggressive and ugly and paranoid (no homo no homo no homo), but female homophobia is like the Antarctica of homophobia, a vast cold hidden place that sucks.

Another person I know, who's closest friend is gay, walks around with all sorts of ideas about gays- that they are inherently poncey and fashionable, and a little ridiculous. That people view homosexuality as inherently ridiculous- that is where the seeping ugliness comes in.

The worst/best example of girly homophobia is that song 'UR So Gay' by Katy Perry. She's a stupid bitch: you can tell that by her myspace- but whats even worse is that she just peddles this ugly homophobia as if it wasn't. The song would be better sung by a Band Of Bro's.

Retail Review: Ceiba

2007-12-30T17:21:00.000-08:00

Whenever I go to a rave, I'm always like, fuck where do they get those ugly ass clothes ? Its crazy how raver bitches really know how to mix up cargo capris with corsets.

But today, buying a ticket for my NYE rave, I found the Emporium of Ugly Raver clothes, the Mecca: its called Ceiba. The staff is all euro trash. $120 for stuff that looks like you made it, no I mean, YOU made it, like yourself. With a stapler.

This hoody makes me want to never wear an all over print hoody again.

This is me in my home-made raver hoodie, but look, I'm rad and ironic, plus I use japanese inspirations to keep it simple and focused:

But then you see, I go with a all together different style anyways.

New And Used Records

2007-12-25T12:29:00.000-08:00

I don't write much about my band on here, because I think/talk about it too much as it is, plus nobody cares. But go with this for a moment:

I guess this is an open letter to my label owner, Will Benham. It's about your N&UR label blog. I read your blog (www.newandusedrecords.com) pretty much everyday, and I have to say, I wish it were different. I feel like you hardly mention the band, or yourself for that matter, and I feel like from reading it I would hardly know anything about the experience of running a label. I really wish I could read more about feelings, insecurities, conversations, stories, etc. and less about trends in the music industry.

Personally, I think it would be stickier if there were more photos of you going out, of us being cute, funny/sad/angry stories about the people you run into, alcohol/drug laced rants, etc. It's too businessy at this point, I would like it to kick more ass, you know ? More hotties, less pie charts.

Ok, thats all. I might be in a bad mood, because I feel like I am stuck in the Christmas edition of SAW, where I am forced to watch the Santa Clause 3 or chew my leg off.

For the Ladies...

2007-12-23T00:26:00.000-08:00

So this is a special christmas post for the ladies. I just have a confession to make: I get crushes really easily. Even though I have a girlfriend, I get crushes all the time, everywhere. So if your hanging out with me and you get a weird vibe, like 'damn, does Aaron like like me or something ??' the answer is probably I do ! But don't worry about it. Just chill, be flattered and enjoy the attention, I'm not gonna do anything. Just be like, damn, there's Aaron and thats so nice !

Holiday Story

2007-12-20T17:51:00.000-08:00

I'm a vegetarian for ethical reasons. I hate that animals are tortured to produce meat. It disgusts me.

My parents also have a disabled french bulldog. He wasn't a rescue frenchie- my parents aren't like that- but when he became disabled (after $10K+ worth of surgery) they continue to love and care for him. Killing him for convenience, economics, etc. was never in the cards. I love him, and his name is Jello.

So here is my holiday story:

Every year I am forced to attend this awful christmas eve party at my girlfriend's uncle's house. His name is Byron. I never eat at this party, because though my girlfriend is white, her extended family is 90% chinese, and I don't think any of the food is vegetarian. So this is always a point of discussion, with people insisting this or that is vegetarian despite the obvious animal broth and oil in it. The funny thing is they ignore me almost completely, except that I'm not eating.

Finally, after enough of this, Byron comes and tells me this joke:

"I'm a member of PETA. People for the Eating of Tasty Animals !" HA HA hA HA hA HA.

After that, I usually try to talk to Dr. Don Francis.

You know, the guy who discovered AIDS. He was played by Matthew Modine. Here is Matthew Modine:

Here is Dr. Don Francis:

He's obviously a brave guy: when no one knew what caused AIDS he worked with AIDS patients. I mean, he discovered AIDS, no matter what the french say.

Unfortunately though, thats not what he tells me about. Instead, some how, Jello, my parents dog always comes up (at least for the last two years), and Dr. Don, a few cups in, mentions that thats crazy, that you could totally buy another dog for that money, and anyways, why would you want to save a dog ? Get a new one ! I've been polite the last two years, demuring with words like "oh well, we really love him."

This year, I swear I will tell him to shut the fuck up if he talks about Jello like that.

Happy Holidays !

Curlz

2007-12-19T23:25:00.000-08:00

I was in BART today, and I saw this woman who had curly, thick raven's nest hair. Normally I hate that, but it was really hot on her.

So I guess, i'm just saying, for all you str8 haired ladies: look out. Curly is the new hot. Thick, nesty, can't run your hand through hair. Nappy maybe. It's totally sexy.

the 90's

2007-12-16T23:54:00.001-08:00

I've had to give in and realize that the time is now for the 90's. So I've decided to stop hating the 90's (I still get nauseous thinking about it- god, everyone listening to CD's, baggy pants, MOSAIC, Bill Clinton) and give in. I'm downloading all the 90's singles I can think of (Alice In Chains, Spiritualized) and just going for it.

Flannel

2007-12-16T15:40:00.000-08:00

I found my Marc Jacobs flannel. I'd like to apologize to my dad, my brother and Myles. I totally accused all of you of stealing it in my mind.

Out On A Limb

2007-12-11T09:30:00.000-08:00

So, I went to Santa Cruz and was stuck in this bar watching grunge videos and it was like, not that rad. Except that I discovered this new song that is ....well I don't know what it is. It's called "Touch, Peel and Stand" by this band called Days Of the New. It's this awful grunge song that has everything that is bad about grunge in it, and this song makes me want to puke, but because its so creepy. This song is straight up about bored cruelty, which I think is a really frightening and personal concept...I know for me its always hovering at the edges, you know ?

The video for it is also really evocation of my hell...bored in an ugly, ugly house watching a stupid grunge video.

And just for some inspiration, here's the Pearl Jam "Do the Evolution" video, which is just pretty rad. Where do I meet that Nagel girl, and how do I become her friend ?

Old Riot Grrls: WTF ???

2007-12-02T00:17:00.000-08:00

You know I love riot grrls. I love how they dress, I love there attitudes, I love there art. There music is super inspiring to me, and just the other day I was listening to bikini Kill and was like 'wow, I totally sing like Kathleen Hanna !' except you know, I was all fannish and being like 'oh but not as perfect as her' etc. etc.

What i DON'T get though is why of the two important grrl's i've met, why they were both SO unfriendly.

First, lets start with the more excusable of the two:

That tiny picture is of Tobi Vail playing guitar, and being cool, which is what she is apparently really good at. She was way too cool to talk to me for more than five seconds even though I have her old best band that she only played drums for and they wouldn't even let her play guitar or sing because she prob. SUCKED, and she probably broke up the band because she was jealous of Kathleen who is a MILLION times more talented, and anways, she couldn't even talk to me even though I have her GOOD band tattooed on me. I mean, c'mon at least give me a hug and take my album ! But no, she like looked at me like 'who ?' and then dissapeared. So she and her tour buddies totally missed the chance to rock out to God's Boat for the rest of the tour.

I wonder with this one, did she think I was trying to hit on her ? Is that why riot grrls are so mean to me ? Well, I'M NOT. So in case your reading this, you can be nice to me because I AM NOT coming on to you, OK. I have a girlfriend, and anyways, your just not my thing, alright ? When it comes to older ladies, my tastes run a little more yuppie.

OK, but here is the inexcusable one:

So let me set the scene: I am sixteen y/o, really bad hair, totally virginal and dorkily into Sleater-Kinney. Like I own Excuse 17 into Sleater-Kinney. So they play a free show that somehow benefits food not bombs: fugazi was also playing it. Fugazi sucks.

Sleater-Kinney meanwhile, were RAD. Carrie got a new guitar at the show- she unpacked it in front of the audience, tuned it and ROCKED with it. They were great, and it was totally fun.

So I'm walking around afterwards and I see Corin Tucker, just standing there talking to this woman who worked in my middle school's library, and I was like, 'woh !' So I walk over, get her attention and start gushing about how I have all the records and how much I love her band, and both of them look at me like I'm fucking crazy.

So she was like 'thats nice'. She didn't even give me a hug ! and the middle school woman didn't even vouch for me !

God !

Hot Alert !

2007-11-30T17:26:00.000-08:00

OMG this shirt is hot ! Somebody by it for me for christmas...

Check in later for my expose on old riot grrls.

A Style Profile: Aaron Sunshine

2007-11-21T19:11:00.000-08:00

So in addition to the Passionistas, I've also been working on being a style icon, and guess what ?! I got interviewed by 'Oeil D'âne' about my personal style. Here it is !

OD: You 'av theez verrry p'owerful persosnell stile- wut inspirres eet ?

AMS: In terms of self-presentation, I really go back to Coco Chanel, who said that "Fashion is now, Style is forever." I think so much of 'good style' is finding the balance between the now and the eternal. People who look too current look ridiculous- they're dated immediatly- but if you don't even have a touch of the novel, then you look stodgy. You have to shock people with your look, but then you have to entrance them. I think fashion, like all art, is about getting to the eternal truth through the current mode. So I guess thats how I try to balance it.

OD: Whut celebrites arre yourrr fash-een inspirations ?

AMS: I wouldn't say a lot of celebrities are fashion inspirations. A lot of celebrities dress as badly as anyone. I'm honestly more inspired by the rich Latin girls at the mall and the hipsters aroudn SF than celebrities.

The one celebrity who I really love is Pharrell Williams: I love how he dresses really extreme,
and its not always great: I also like how he can just be tacky. I guess I'm more interested in people looking distinct than in them looking 'good'.

I like how metal bands dress. They look way better than indie rockers.

Probably my biggest fashion inspiration is this crazy old lady named Matilda. Her son died of cancer when he was little, and she never really recovered. In response to his death, she took her money and opened up Young Performers Theatre, which is a place for young actors to perform childrens place for other kids. I was in the theater when I was a teenager.

She always looked like a rich bag lady: she had this badly applied eye shadow that always seemed to be flaking, black velvet dresses, and a bald spot. Her hair was very thin. She was magnetic though: i loved to sit next to her, and listen to her talk. She was basically a goth, the goth grandma of pacific heights.

OD: 'Ell may aboot 'ow yoou 'rrived atch yor currrrent fasheen ? what do you tink eeez hot ?

AMS: Well thats a hard question. I mean, my current fashion is just a combination of the fixations i've gotten: band t-shirts and sneakers and cardigans and Japanese style hoodies and skinny jeans and tacky little pieces of jewelry. I guess i'm just really trendy. I just throw it on, throw up on myself.

What do I think is hot...on me, I think its hot when I have an outfit that is louder than me [laughs], I think its hot when I lose enough weight to be cute. Heat comes from you, but your clothes have to channel it. Clothes can give shape to confidence.

OD: Whuut eez yoor next s'tep ? What duhz theee fu-ture hoold for Aar-een ?

AMS: I want to expand my palette: fuchsia's, reds, more orange- I want to dress really ugly. I want to get away from matching, but thats harder than I thought. I want to spend more money on clothes, get more jewelry. Better accessories. I'm really in love with how people look in places like Dallas and Miami- I don't mean the cool kids or the rappers- I mean like, I like how the MOR rich people who love football and are involved in oil look. I want to look like that, but urban and young. I guess I don't know.

OMG !!! You Would Not Believe...

2007-11-21T00:26:00.000-08:00

Seriously, check out the e-mail i was forwarded today. I'm not gonna say anything about who or whom- you know who wrote it- but this is serious !

Aaron is just so needy. I mean they all are, but Aaron is just exceptional. I know he pretends, but god, he just has to be surrounded by people who like him ! it's pathetic- i couldn't stand it. I mean, he's not even talented, but he'll tell people anything to get them to like him. He lies all the time- it used to make me so sick, how he'd just fawn over anybody. The Passionista's mutual appreciation society is so stupid, and Aaron is always there singing the falsetto 'OH MYLES YOU SO SMART, OH ANDREW YOUR SUCH A GOOD BASS PLAYER'.

So you get a sense of the sort of message this was. SOMEONE just hating on us.

Myles is just a selfish asshole. If his ego wasn't so big or so in need of feeding (AARON) he would probably have kicked everyone else out of the band. Myles JUST CAN'T BE BOTHERED, you know, to care about someone else. He's just that type of person. No wonder everyone thinks he's a jerk, oh yeah except for his boyfriends!

It gets worse though. I had to edit some quotations because it said some personal things about some friends of the band that I would feel bad divulging. Tom is a really nice guy, and really, shame on you ! And so what if he played drums for us ?! Did you really think that you could just send something like that and we'd never hear about it ?

Andrew pretends to be a likable idiot, but he's as bad as the other two ! Try getting Andrew to do anything that's not for Andrew and see what happens 'oh sorry man i'm tired, oh sorry, yeah I can't come, sorry sorry sorry' every other fucking word from him is sorry. He might be the worst- he's like an evil concoction of neediness and selfish.

This is really all I can post from the letter. There's some other comments in there that are private, but its just fucked up. Look, OK, i'll tell you- who did this- I'm sorry that things haven't worked out for you, OK ? But don't try to poison things for us. Fuck, it's not my fault, you know ? I'm not revealing you this time, but don't do this again.

Rich Boy eats Rap

2007-11-19T02:59:00.000-08:00

Rich Boy is pretty much dismissed as a mediocre southern thug rapper who has luck with beats.

Nonetheless, he has managed to produce one of the best flows of the year. Specifically, his flow on the remix of MIA's 'Paper Planes' has pretty much dominated. I think it might be the single best 30 seconds of this year. It's a terrifying moment on a song that is basically about shooting people and taking there money.

What makes it work so effectively is that Rich Boy sounds direct, crazy and joyful on it. He does not moralize or express any doubt. He sounds like somebody on a rampage.

What makes Rich Boy (and Soulja Boi and other southern rappers who don't class up) so difficult for people is that he refuses to confuse or soften his work with the sort of intellectualism that is standard in West Coast/East Coast rappers and there adherents. Rich Boy lacks wordplay, metaphor, internal rhyme schemes, and doesn't gussy up his thug persona with the accoutrements of style or aestheticism- instead there's a focused aggression that, when it works is thrilling.

I don't have a problem with intellectualism, but it does by its nature make art more removed. I don't know how far Rich Boy can take it if he doesn't smarten up, but I know that the Paper Planes flow is worth it all: it's a flow that even months after hearing it still doesn't fail to shock me.

Thurston Moore Is Dead

2007-11-09T18:52:00.000-08:00

It's true. He likes the clipse and still listens to Mars. The Pitchfork guest list that has his name on it could only have been put together by someone trying to make a satire of what Thurston Moore would choose. So it's obvious- he's dead.

Plus he didn't mention the Passionistas.

Christmas List

2007-11-06T21:11:00.000-08:00

I realized the other day that no one reads my blog. Like, literally nobody.

So:

-I think Jessica is super cute ! I wish she was my older sister.

-My g/f Erica is also really amusing ("amusing" btw is my main criteria for people), but she also has a temper !

-I'm totally a glutton, but I also want to be really thin. That's my existential crisis.

-I think a lot about what would happen if my parents/lover/band/etc. were to suddenly die. The Passionistas get into a lot of firey car-wrecks in my head, or fall off of cliffs. My parents die in plane crashes, and my girlfriend dies of cancer (or is killed by her mom.)

-The one thing I'm angry at my parents about is how they totally didn't equip me with social skills. My parents sometimes make me shudder at there daft social skills.

-I'm really obsessive and I spend a lot of time trying to appear less obsessed than I am. I basically can't really think about more than one thing at once, which makes me terrible at thrift-shopping.

For example: I really want a Razr, even though there not good phones. I just really want one though and no other phone will satisfy me. I feel like if I buy another phone, I'll still just be thinking about the razr.

Fashion Predictions 2008

2007-11-04T14:44:00.000-08:00

OK, so at Music Stands for Comfort, we pretty much know whats up. SO here it is, get the jump:

-Jeans will begin to loosen, and straight leg jeans will become popular. Bootcut=death, and skinny jeans are gonna look 'so 2007' (though I will stick to skinny jeans 4ever.)

-Those who stick with skinny jeans will inflate there shirt sizes- expect to see tons of oversize shirts.

-70's/80's Grandma Eurostyle will continue to come back- expect to see the Clipse in suits and sweaters, Mercede's S-Classes from the era being the ironic car of choice, sunglasses getting bigger and uglier. Lots of beige, brown, white and black. Canes, cigarette cases, subtle jewelry. The idea will be to look like oldest money.

-Graphic t's and all-over-print hoodies are dead.

-The mid-90's will re-assert itself, and streetwear will continue to trend to flannel, hi-tops and lighter-colored jeans.

-Sneakers will look functional and more muted. The era of patent leather is over.

-In general, fashion will move towards 'sophistication' and 'subtlety' instead of 'fun and garish'.

-I will be changing my look, and I will be more beautiful than ever.

OMG!!!! Gwen heard the album !

2007-11-02T22:27:00.000-07:00

So I never write about the Passionistas on this blog. I feel like there's enough of that in the world for me to write about other people.

Still this is too big: Will (the guy who runs our management company) called me to say that he had just had a ten minute discussion with Gwen Stefani's manager, David Schiff about our album 'God's Boat'. I can't really say too much (I probably shouldn't even be saying this), but...- this is too much-

Honestly, we'd lost faith in God's Boat. It's a great record and everything, but we just don't think its going to hit, you know ? It's a nice piece of back catalog at this point, and we're just really excited about 'In A Zoo, With No Rules'.

OK, I can't say too much, but here's some highlights:

-Her favorite track is 'No No No', because it's 'really sexy, and totally what its like to be married'.

-She was 'really moved' by our tribute 'Y2k'. She really wants to 'thank everyone involved'.

-Thinks 'It needs to be brighter, you know ? It's too dark and plain. No one will ever buy it in Iowa. It sounds like Iowa. It needs to sound like LA.'

-'The Socialists' is 'a really stupid song, like XTC.'

-'It sounds like a record Tony and the guys would've really liked when we were on tour. Whatever.'

Well, I worship Gwen so I'm happy that she heard it. Will told me she had previous commitments, so she can't have a guest spot, which is really frustrating. Whatever though, I guess its cool that she liked it.

Culkin duh

2007-11-02T21:53:00.000-07:00

If I could just be beautiful, and unlimited from my biology, I would pretty much like to look like Macauley. He's not perfect, and doesn't even look pretty sometimes- though when he does he is just...he bounces from a 6 to a 10.

He has wonderful, sleepy, stoned eyes, and perfect bee-stung lips- probably the best lips on anyone. He has a slight frame, and a masculine, flattish nose.

If I was Macauley Culkin, I think I would stare at myself all day. i stare at myself all the time as it is, let alone if I was someone else. I would love to be someone else. I love being me, but it would be fun to be able to take on disguises.

What makes him special though is not just his features, but its the way that time seems to slow around him. He has perfect timing on camera- not just comic timing, but he has a way to take a moment and make it forever.

Just watch:

At the beginning of party monster, Michael Alig (played by Macauley) walks in on a monolog that James St. James (Seth Green) is delivering. He has a plate of drugs, says its coke- James does a line, and the drugs being heroin, immediatly falls asleep. Macauley looks up, smiles and takes over.

Party Monster rests on the fact that Macauley makes you believe in Alig's genius. If most biopics rely on you accepting the brilliance of its subject before you walk in the theater, party monster convinces you at every moment. It is Macauley you are responding to, and his aura of control, of his ability to slow time, to set the pace instead of having it being set.

Deco Deco Deco

2007-11-01T23:38:00.000-07:00

Deco's Halloween was pretty much it. It seemed that everyone who was there (which was <90) was someone. Which is cool, but not, because 'someone' usually means 'broke and won't pay for anything' which translates into 'no ones makes any money and it sucks.'

But it was rad, and I had a good time. Heard gossip- local band drama, which is silly but serious if your in said band (which I'm not !), and met this performance artist that throws up on himself, beats himself with a baseball bat and worships marilyn manson. Is it 1997 ? What is going on ?

Does anyone remember the guy who got some art school in trouble in like 1998 by tying up a student and shitting in his mouth ? I remember it was a big flack and there was a lawsuit. I wonder if that is coming back ?

Also, the Passionistas have a bet going, that pants are tragically going to become looser over the next year. One look at the current cheap monday website will confirm this, and Andrew will owe me a bottle of Skyy.

Music Stands for Comfort 5.5: The Beatles

2007-07-28T22:55:00.001-07:00

There's a notion that the Beatles were the best band ever. This meme exists and works its way into your mind, dulling people's ability to (a) critically assess the Beatles or (b) think of anything as being as good or better than the Beatles. Further, it blinds people to the very real limitations of the Beatles.

What were these limits ? Well lets start: they were four cool, smart, successful men making beautiful pop music in the 60's. Of all these things it is the fact that they were cool is the most limiting issue. Unlike the Beach Boys they never sang about or wrote about what it was like to be painfully uncool, to be crippingly insecure and searching for an answer. 'Cool' if anything, is an easy mastery of ones enviroment, and the Beatles constantly mastered there enviroment. The Beach Boys did not: there was always a bursting, pained quality to there work, a sense that it could all fall apart.

Coolness is terribly limiting: most of the people I know who are doing something with there lives are not very cool: there spazzy, obsessive types. The coolest people I know do almost nothing. Being cool is a difficult and draining performance and it requires one to never fail. But to never fail is to never try.

The Beatles of course did fail eventually, but by that point they were too bloated and too wrapped in the fat of success and not caring to really let it go. There music is too full of sexy situations, of girls who want to go to bed with them and fun drugs to try. Even when it hurts, it hurts in a cosmic groovy kind of way: it was I was mean to my woman, not my woman was mean to me and I stayed because I kinda loved her and I was kinda afraid of her. It is much easier to apologize for bad things you did than to forgive for bad things done to you.

The Beatles lack any sort of visceral terror. They never seemed like they might be alone for there whole lives, never sang as if the song might be able to shield them from a terrible loneliness. This distancing from one of the core fears of being a human means that there best work (which is lots) lacks the component of feeling like everything is at risk, and that everything might be won. The Beatles never sound desperate. Those who love the Beatles excessively are people who want safety.

Music Stands for Comfort 5: David Bowie

2007-07-27T17:09:00.000-07:00

My last post, about the Au Pairs, neglected to mention that they covered a Bowie song on there first album: the song is called 'Repetition' and is about a woman who is beaten by her husband. It is a sympathetic portrait of both characters: the woman covers her black eyes, desperately trying to keep up appearances, while her husband is haunted by the thoughts of what his life could have been, had he had a better education, had he married a different woman- and how he takes it out on his wife. It portrays the manner in which life becomes ground down into repetition.

I had always liked the song, but I didn't understand it until I moved to San Diego for a year. In San Diego, I felt like my life (by which I mean, the things I loved in it- shopping, travel, adventure, art, the recognition of peers) was dying, and I was afraid that it was over- that I couldn't leave San Diego, not at least without having to give up a lot of privelage, and having to make my life much harder. I was enraged at most everyone in my life- I was angry all the time at Erica, at my uncle (who I'm still furious at), at my parents- the only people who I was OK with were my brother (because we mainly did fun things together- like watch Robotech) and my friends in SF, who obviously I didn't see much, though I talked to them a lot. It always sounded like they were having a lot of fun, and there lives seemed sexier and more fashionable. Mine just seemed awful. My workplace was hideously dirty, and so I could never where anything fun, and it felt like nothing ever got accomplished. Plus I worked fifty hours a week in a job I hated, and never had any money.

What I realize now, having moved back to SF and repaired my relationship with Erica, is that I should not have stayed down there for even a minute: like high school, I should have bounced from the first moment I got down there. I knew it wasn't a good idea. I knew it wasn't a good idea because I realized, quickly, that my uncle had no real desire to either (a) improve his own lot, or (b) improve mine.

I should have known, that lacking this desire, nothing I was going to do was going to help.

I think we as humans, are defined primarily by our desires, and how far we are willing to go for them. I think my uncle's primary desire was to be left in peace, not you know, grow his business (though he told us he wanted to grow his business- in fact had me move to San Diego to do just that- but- when it came time to actually start making unpleasent changes that *might* impinge on his free time or peace of mind, he threw a hissy).

I think it is this combination- interesting, ambitious desires married to an iron will- that can describe the best celebrities: F.D.R., Lil Wayne, Kate Moss, and, yeah, David Bowie.

David Bowie has a vast body of work: he was one of pop's most compulsive workers, and he was constantly shifting persona and style. I think though, that too much has been put into these shifts, they've been made too important. I think they have been made important by a post-60's critical estlabishment, in which pop stars are supposed to be fixed into some sort of 'authentic' self, and are not supposed to change, except to become more 'authentic'. This is why critics are endlessly calling albums either 'returns to form' or 'explorations' as if whatever was done on the first record is the true nature of the band, and anything deviating from it is some sort of temporary violation against there true nature.

I think though, that this rigidity of style is actually false, and that Bowie's constant change (he approached every record like it was a debut, with a fresh sound, style, iconography and symbol system) is actually truer to human life. While we are ourselves, we are always changing. People who are fixed are junkies and nostalgics: people who live in repetitions of old rituals, attempting to live each day the same as the last. What stays the same within all of us are our core desires: to be loved, to be powerful, to be recognized and admired- at least those are my desires. Other people may want to love, may want to be submissive, and spend there lives trying to find a situation where they can be that. Children have these desires- the ones who are always attempting to dominate the other children, the ones who search for excitement, the ones who try to get along- I think this part of us doesn't change.

Bowie was adapting to the world as it happened, throwing off one costume and personality for another as he thought it would help him. He dominated his personalities, destroying them (Ziggy, Alladin Sane, the Thin White Duke) as they became dangerous or calcifying. His albums then, are wonderful pagentries of creation- Ziggy Stardust is one long definition of personality, as he creates and destroys a version of himself- and if one listens to the record, none of it is from Ziggy's perspective, except possibly the last song. Every other song is from someone else- someone looking at Ziggy- and in this, we see that we are being told how to look at Ziggy/Bowie, how to view this being. He is defining himself through our eyes. He is asserting himself into us.

This is of course, what anyone who impacts us does- inserts there personalities, becomes one of the voices in our heads telling us what to do. This is why so many of us have trouble with our parents- we hear them constantly telling us what to do, and since parents and children are often poorly matched, it becomes an intrusive voice. Friends and lovers do this to us to- tell us about ourselves, define us and become a part of the way we make decisions.

At its best, art does this also- it gives us license or takes it away to be ourselves. It can oppress or liberate, depending on its perspective and statements. I find indie rock to be very oppressive because it celebrates failure as an- authentic- experience, and success as something to be avoided, a sign of 'selling out'- though I don't believe in selling out. I think it is a fake idea that is also a selfish idea- someone only sells out because they take themselves out of a context in which you were able to be close to them, and puts themselves fara way- and it does not take into account the real needs of the people who are 'selling out'. I think its stupid that Fugazi acts like its 'ethical' they only play $5 shows that are all ages. Why is it ethical ? I hate it when people say music should be free- so where are they when I need to buy guitar strings ? Or buy tape to record an album or print it or promote so that someone besides me hears it ?

Bowie re-made himself in order to pursue his dreams- he afterall started as some awkward middle class kid with a crazy brother- and he continued re-inventing himself in order to maintain. He was lucky that people wanted to listen to and buy his records, he was lucky to be good looking and to have a powerful, commercial voice- but he also pursued his goals with a powerful will that got him through challenges and transitions that dwarf a lot of others.

We all make ourselves everyday- every decision- salad vs. french fries, television vs. blog, phone call vs. silence- determine who we are. Our ability to direct these decisions towards the fulfillment of a goal that satisfies a desire determines who we become.

Music Stands for Comfort 4: The Au Pairs

2007-07-24T22:30:00.000-07:00

Being a Mongolian Communist look Stylish and Fun

Music Stands for Comfort 4: The Au Pairs
Category: News and Politics

The Au Pairs are a two women/two man band from Birmingham, England, formed in the late 1970's. They played a punky/funky/dubby music with leftist-feminist lyrics. There front woman, Lesley Woods, was an out lesbian.

There are two sides to the Au Pairs: the free-wheeling, sensual and celebratory side that sang about female love and lust with a sort of joy that I haven't heard much of. They do an important thing with this: they make being a lesbian sound like a lot of fun. They make songs about leaving your husband for a woman that have all the sugar and pop rush that anyone could want. It's the freedom we all want from music.

The other side is a paranoid leftist streak that has helped them make some of there best and worst songs. The question in terms of quality is whether they lean more on paranoia or politics: like a lot of people, there anthemic politics end up coming off as silly and simple minded, which is exactly what they were good at avoiding: they were always good at figuring out the complexities of situations.

One of there best songs is called 'Headache for Michelle'. It is a thick slab of gray dub, sounding like how fog feels. The fog specifically is the fog of heroin that surrounds the narrators head. The song is in the form of questions: I need to get out of my head, are you working with the state ? Why are they selling us smack ? What is going on ? It's an intensely oppressive song, where the oppression is everywhere- inside, outside, all over. Which is the truth about oppression: it lives inside much more effectively than it lives outside. Heroin is a metaphor for the oppression we all feel inside, the fog that we all feel enveloping us as we go about our lives. As an argument, the song is powerful.

There worst song is one called Land Of Milk and Honey, which is about the (white) rape of Africa. The song is a plodding mess: they music only underscores the stupidity and simple-mindedness of the lyrics- apparently the band was falling apart from drugs and indifference and you can tell. No way would they have tolerated such dour lyrics that had none of the humour, spite or energy- Africa is a pretty messy place, with a long, ugly and complicated history and to sum it up as evil colonizers, helpless natives is a dis-respectful to everybody.

These preferences though may just reflect my own political prejudices: I think that the freedom to pursue our own pleasures is far more important, and of far realer concern than explaining world history as the predation of one group on another. People aren't stupid: things happened and people made decisions.

My own political evolution has gone from Marxist leftism (I read capital vol. 1 and 2 when I was thirteen) to a pro-capitalist libertarian/liberalism that I currently have. My beef with both current parties is that I think neither goes far enough in terms of making our lives free-er. I am disgusted by the equivocations and bigotries expressed around homosexuality, drugs, prostitution, taxation, crime and religion.

I don't know what appealed to me about communism, except that it was violent and told me that the world sucked, which is pretty appealing when your 13 and writing poetry about world war 1.

Not that I knew anything- anything at all. I wanted to read books by Stalin, by Mao, Che, figuring these people were profound thinkers- instead of homocidal maniacs. I thought Stalin seemed OK- all I knew about him was from a computer game, "Red Alert".

I never did read those books though. Two volumes of Capital, plus 'State and Revolution' was enough. I went back to reading science fiction.

Nonetheless, I remained in love with leftism- it seemed sexy and easy to like, and rebellious and impressive in high school. At least to me- I can't say that idiotic leftism was any good as a strategy for popularity.

My flirtation from leftism morphed into a sort of left-liberalism with time, and then a shift to a sort of rightism that Sam and I went through together (mainly over foriegn issues- we totally thought the Iraq war was a GREAT idea, after we attended one protest and became really disgusted with the people there), and now, as I've worked in business, become serious in rock n roll, and grown up, I've stopped seeing economic 'justice' (whatever that is) as a serious goal: i'm suspicious of it: I want politics who's goals are to increase personal freedom and options, and to maintain a stable society. I want the government to guide the country towards technological advancement and enrichment- not fairness.

The primary difference between liberalism and leftism, I believe is that liberalism wants people to have equality of opportunity, while leftism seeks equality of outcome.

Political ideas need celebrity endorsement as much as anything else: its hard to support something that seems to only have losers and jerks supporting it. Kennedy was great for liberalism because he was wondeful to watch (though he's not good looking by modern standards), Reagan glammed up conservatism, Mumia Abu Jamal the anti-death penalty left, etc. etc. Look at the screaming crowds of teenagers for Hitler- they had no real idea about his politics, they were in love with him.

As spokeswomen and men the Au Pairs make what they do at there best sound really fun. It helps to explain gay rights and feminism in a way that no book could: it makes it sound joyful and natural, that its not about self-denial, but freedom. Politics too often becomes boring and joyless, when it should be about creating a free-er, better world. And they were at there best a lot- there first album 'Playing with a Different Sex' is a masterpiece. The hooks, the energy is all there, married to a musical and lyrical sophistication that makes you want to jump and shudder.

At its best, music can let you see a bigger world, a different world, and that is what the Au Pairs do. Which is why I love them still.

Music Stands for Comfort 3: My Bloody Valentine

2007-07-24T22:22:00.001-07:00

If Our Relationship had been better, it would have been like this

Music Stands for Comfort 3: My Bloody Valentine
Category: MySpace

My Bloody Valentine soundtracked a part of my life when I was sinking into a drug soaked abyss, and then when I came out of it. All of my friends and I fell under there spell- they are an addictive, listenable band- a beach boys for the future.

There music has a hazy quality to it that went well with drugs- I remember listening to it when I was rolling, and on another occasion when I took mushrooms followed by vicodin and I was cuddling with a friend who half made the transition to lover, and then transitioned to nothing a few months later when I had turned into a puddle.

People call it make out music, and it was good for that too: it has the properly self-satisfied, reaching hermetic quality that captures the mood of being high or involved. It was endless- I remember letting "Loveless" (there master piece) over and over again, just letting it play on loop.

It was a strange period: it was really good, like I had friends and money and I was getting high and it was fun, and then suddenly it all turned awful, and I was strung out and acting badly. I found myself unable to handle anything, that life was just unbearable.

So I left for a little while, got myself sorted out and came back.

My friend Zoe was moving back from her own private hell. She and I had gone to high school together, where in ninth grade (when she dressed like the skinniest, palest Chola in the world) I asked her out and she said no !

We weren't friends at the time, and we were both just messes when we met again. But we both looked better. She had filled out, I had lost weight (like thirty pounds) and we got along OK. Ok enough that she decided to hook up with me. There was no seduction involved- we both just knew.

Justin and I were driving to Harris's steak house to eat, and Zoe called me to ask if she could come over later that night. Which she did. With this homeless punk rocker who was black out drunk, and her friend Laura, who was one of the coldest, most inhuman peole I'd ever met. I had a long crush on her- she looked like a latina Snow White, but she literally had no heart. She hated other people, probably hated herself. She did not have an internal life that she expressed. She had a little sister who was much bigger than her, and beat her badly.

I kicked the punk and Laura out of my house. Zoe and I hung out, hooked up. It was fun.

We played a little at being b/f / g/f- I rememberd once she folded my clothes- it was the first time a girl had ever done something like that for me- but it didn't work. I was too immature, she was too emotional, I was not supportive, she demanded too much-

On Valentines day, as our relationship was careening to a stupid end, I gave her the My Bloody Valentine album "Loveless" as a gift. We both got the joke.

2007-07-24T22:09:00.000-07:00

THIS IS WHAT IS ON MY ARM FOREVER

Music Stands for Comfort 2: Bikini Kill
Category: Fashion, Style, Shopping

Women fascinate me: they always have. I remember watching "Basic Instinct" when I was 10 and thinking it was the best movie ever- it was so sexy, and Catherine Tremell seemed perfect. I was too young to really put it together that she would like, totally kill me. I was entranced with her.

So when sex got really introduced into the mix, (you know, like, 12- I remember it like it happened in one day, first day of 6th grade, and I was hit by the thunderbolt), and at first it was like, I had no idea. I had these crushes, and I read a lot- I wanted to learn about the adult world, be impressively worldly, but I was a total dork. So I lived vicariously, or more accurately, perplexedly, reading books like Lolita, Closer and Exquisite Corpse. None of them really made sense, but I pretended to like them.

Around 15, I became interested in music- maybe the summer before 9th grade, when I discovered Nirvana and Hole, and that they totally kicked ass ! And I loved to listen to them ! and you know, because I am obsessive, and I want to be popular (which I failed at for years- though once I stopped seeking approval I got it), I dug around and discovered other, related bands (because nerdy punk scholarship wins friends- see how bad my strategies were ?). One of these bands was Bikini Kill.

The first Bikini Kill record I got was REject All American, and I did not like it. It was noisy and raw, and incomprensible. I liked the Spice Girls a lot- they were my speed on girl power, along with Courtney Love- and Bikini Kill was just- I didn't get it. It made me feel weird, especially about how much I objectified women. I still like the Spice Girls, but I LOVE Bikini Kill now.

But I kept reading, thinking, learning, and I did finally get into punk rock- X, the Germs, Sonic Youth and most importantly, for this subject, Sleater-Kinney. Sleater-Kinney opened a lot of doors- they were 80's grrls, coming of age when the B-52's were hot, and helped me to find out about Joy Division and Gang Of Four. But thats not important:

back to Bikini Kill. So somehow I bough the Bikini Kill singles. I listened to it. It was OK.

But I kept listening to it.

And it rocked harder and harder.

And I fell in love- but like any romance, this one was delayed. It was delayed by the fact that I left punk behind, got into the Smashing Pumpkins and Post-punk and was like, whatever about punk. and I filed it away. My friend Sam and I would occasionally discuss how good a record it was, but we were too buys elsewhere.

Sam was the only other guy I knew who liked female vocalists as much as I did, and who I think shared my fascination with women. I'm very suspect of most men's heterosexuality- they might like to sleep with girls, but most of them do not seem to like them or to revel in femininity. They do not find femininity beautiful. Instead, they have a 'type', which I think is a mystical standard of beauty. I believe a type is an aesthetic, not a sexual concept. It is an ordering of the world of attraction, which I think is one of the parts of the human soul that I think is impossible to order. I think we are all attracted to a wide variety of people (genders, races, etc.), and we often don't realize how wide a sexual world we're shadowed by.

I think that the natural polysexuality of humans is scary to most people, and so they impose an order on there desire to rule it out. And typing is such a repression that I believe it must cover great chaos.

Sam also has a subtle tyrannical streak: he draws people close, but just close enough. I always get the sense talking to him that he is with-holding something, enough at least that you never know exactly what he thinks. It makes him fascinating, because there is always an edge of threat to him. He is also a chameleon, who can make himself seem like your homeboy, and make you feel like he really understands, even when he thinks your a moron. I think he likes power and control, but doesn't do it through direct confrontation- instead he creates the situation in which you walk into his power.

That's not whats important to this discussion- Sam loves girls in a fundamental way- he is interested in them, interested by everything about them, just as a connisuer doesn't just want a porsche- they want the history, the design, the imperfections- the whole package.

I don't have a type beyond women, (which is pretty big- cuts off 50% of the population), and i've found myself attracted to girls of every description. I find them fascinating to look at, I love female art and voices (I love women's voices- its the one flaw the Passionistas have- that neither me nor Myles are a woman, and we can't become one to sing a song).

Years later, after starting my first band (Colossal Youth), starting my current relationship, going crazy, coming back, breaking off my first band and starting my second band, I re-discovered punk. I re-discovered it because I wanted to start a new band that was going to just kick ass and be really popular and awesome. I pulled out my clash records, my strokes cd's, and incidentally the Bikini Kill singles.

And I loved it all. But I especially loved Bikini Kill. Everything that had been threatening to my insecure lustful adolescent state was now empowering to my aggressive adult self. It's funny that Bikini Kill helps to embolden me to follow my heart in the most traditional of male roles- rock star- but they do, and thats one of the powers of art. I find them thrilling: its so loud and threatening and sexy and confident- while the lyrics are insecure, nothing else is: Kathleen Hanna has the strut and sadism every get rock n roll singer needs to have. She wants revenge and when she's singing, she gets it.

'Rah Rah Replica' is one of my favorite songs from the album, and it is terrifying. The words are about a woman who's boyfriend comes home with a replica of her as his new girlfriend, and then cuts off all of the original girlfriends hair. Thats it: its a snippet of science fiction sung in the most terrified manner of being replaced, thrown away, destroyed by someone else.

This is the magic of Bikini Kill: they sang about the moment of destruction, about rebellion in the face of being crushed, and the moment of being crushed. They went there over and over again, finding new ways to try to escape, to create art.

I have a Bikini Kill tattoo on my arm.

Music Stands for Comfort 2.5: Addendum

I just want to clarify two things that I forgot to mention in the last post:

(1) I still identify as a riot grrl. Riot grrl is the only group identity i've ever been able to get into. The main reasons for this is, because (a) it feels transgressive to identify outside my gender, (b) Riot grrl was long dead by the time I got to it, and so I never had my image of it tarnished by you know, actual riot grrls. They felt like amazons.

I could never identify with punk rock or any local scene because they always seemed so stupid and conformist. You had to think that awful music was good to be a part of it.

(2) I don't think objectification is neccessarily a bad thing. I think objectication of other people, animals, plants, nature, etc. is a normal human thing, part of our rational and ordering nature. By doing this, we are able to turn things into concepts that we can manipulate in our mind, which is the pre-requisite to manipulating it in real life. I also think that objectifying others into erotic objects is what we do to be able to mentally enjoy sex: its the root of sexual creativity. What sex means is often as important as how it feels. The best sex is in an emotional context that feels good- whatever that context is.

Music Stands for Comfort #1: The Game

2007-07-23T23:25:00.000-07:00

Music Stands For Comfort #1: The Game
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

'Music Stands for Comfort' is my new blog series, in which I will write about my favorite albums. I'm obsessed with music, or more accurately, music is my gateway to understanding the world. I will write about records, and the context in which they exist. This first entry is about a rapper, the Game.

First though, I'd like to pay tribute to a friend of mine. His name is Reginald, he lives in New York City. He is rad and interesting and popular, but the two qualities I liked best about Reginald was that he was always hustling- he always had a show or an art project or a video or pins or something to promote. He didn't care whether you liked his band, whether the show was good for you, he just wanted you to support him. He was also totally unembarrassed, and was always trying to work with what he had. He is an incredibly active person.

The other quality I loved about him was that he is rebellious. Reginald is black, and as an artist, he is obsessed with race, particularly as to how it effects eroticism. His songs have titles like 'White Pussy' and 'Plantation Fantasy'. Furthermore, he is not just a black indie rocker, which is whatever, he is a black goth.

What I find so admirable about that is to be a black goth, especially from the south (probably a real bitch island), must be a fantastic act of rebellion against wherever he came from. I admire rebellion for its own sake- I think rebellion is the place in which we sharpen ourselves. He is one of the sharpest people I know, a razor like sense of aesthetics and desires. I hope I express this well. [Edit: Later Reginald told me that he didn't think being a black Goth was any big deal- he was like 'well everyone from the South is a goth', so I could be totally wrong].

My personal rebellion has take a different form. My family is California jewish, and my grandparents were immigrants. For them, life was something fragile and weak, and the world was a constant threat. No matter what they had (pensions, property, etc.), they could never see themselves as secure. For them, doing something big, something grand, was not only difficult, but ridiculous and dangerous. They did not want to stand out, and thought by doing so, they could be harmed. Safety was always in there minds.

My dad and his brother were conflicted. Part of them were like my grandparents: they felt like the world had very narrow options, that everything was hard and that life was something vicious. Yet both of them also tempted limits: my dad through drugs, girls, motorcycles and pornography, my uncle through a pugnacious resistance to immediate authorities.

My uncle, the older of the two, was the one more effected by my grandparents 'Wolf At the Door' mentality, and as he aged, he began to think that maybe you had to really hunker down and avoid trouble. When I was in 6th grade I got some C's, and this was a big deal, and so I was told that I wouldn't ever be able to go to college if I didn't improve my grades. I did, but I also became a total tweak about grades- I worried a lot about them, never quite believing I'd get an A until I saw it. It was ridiculous, especially after I turned 16 and decided to drop out, because you know, I had better things to do. I should have dropped out in ninth grade.

My parents, uncle, grandma, they never bought nice cars, though they could have. My dad and uncle did not wear nice clothing, they did not wear there status.

I also did not, accepting there anti-appearance stance, that what mattered was some sort of authenticity and you were an attention seeking asshole if you tried to flash or shine. This was until I discovered rap music, and I found something that finally told me what was up.

What was up ? Sneakers. Cars. Hoodies. Diamonds. Sick shit. Looking fresh. ALL THE TIME.

Rap music taught me the joys of material goods, how fun it could be to dress up, to look good, and how appearance is who you are more than anything inside. I realize now that one some level, we are the totality of our appearnce in the world: this can include our posessions and creations as extensions of ourselves. Where my family was wrong was that clothing, appearance, comportment was not important communication: it is vital communication. It tells people who you are as much as what you say. Let our diamonds talk: lets your hair speechify: let your paintings sing your praises.

The Game is not an archetypical rapper. He desperately wants to be though. The contradiction at the core of Game is the contradiction between his macho fetishism and his blubbery emotionalism. He is a petty rapper: he is obsessed with people using him, with people slighting him, with not quite being enough. He cries on two songs, he is generous and then regrets it: you get the sense he is always coming on too strong.

He is also obsessed with forms. His clothing is immaculate and fitted: he has the form of SoCal gangster down perfectly. When his career was at an apex, he had the glamorous/dangerous rapper in the 50 mold down perfectly. He is very careful with his appearnce. This care is undermining: his perfection of forms reveal that they are costumes instead of authentic selves. This is the choice of life: you can do one thing authentically (the Ramones) or many things inauthentically (Blondie).

You get the sense of an enthusiast listening to him rap: he knows a lot about whatever he is talking about- his groupie love song lists off reels of video girls, eye candy and famous lovers: he discusses there careers with an enthusiastic display of knowledge. Unlike many rappers, he revels in being a fan of other things, in that surrender.

The Game is fascinating because he is in love with dominating masculinity, but he displays himself as submissive. He internalizes others, instead of externalizing himself.

His two albums are night and day: his first is called the 'Documentary' and it is a masterpiece of high powered, expensive gangster rap. Every song is immaculately produced, written and performed. There is not a wasted moment on the record, and it drips with hooks and feeling. It is a hungry, confident album. It is the third compnent of Dr. Dre's trio of masterpieces (with Eminem and 50 Cents debuts being the first two).

His second album was recorded after he had suceeded in destroying every relationship that had brought him up: Dr. Dre and 50 Cent had both abandoned him. His crew had dwindled from forty to seven, his brother said that he was a fake gangster. The second album might actually be the better of the two: the entire album is west coast rap in drag- it is so west coast as to be almost too much, like a perfect, ridiculous distillation of the genre.

Further, the primary theme of the second album, called 'Doctors Advocate' is his total dissapointment with fame and his new life. The record is about how nothing works out. He is still the same, and yet everything changes. He seems shocked the whole time, like he's in a daze.